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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2009
We sought the best humor poems that have been submitted to "vanity contests" as a joke. These are contests that give the impression of being selective but are not. They praise poems with little discrimination, hoping to induce poets to buy their books, bowls and plaques.
Congratulations to our 2009 prizewinners "Randy Cousteau", Louis K. Lowy and Lenny Lianne, and to our 12 honorable mentions and 12 finalists. Their poems were judged the best of the 776 entries we received. Cash prizes totaling $3,336.40 were awarded, and all prizewinners and honorable mentions received an official Winning Writers polo shirt.
Click the names below to view the winning entries and learn about the honorees. Read comments on the entries from contest judge Jendi Reiter. Read the press release announcing the winning entries.
First Prize
"Randy Cousteau"
"The Felching of the Oct'pus"
Second Prize
Louis K. Lowy
"Poetry Workshop (Mary had a little lamb)"
Third Prize
Lenny Lianne
"Hurl"
Honorable Mentions
Janette Berry, "She Sulks at Gravity"
Paul Hlava, "Warning"
Johnson John, "Song of a Nightingirl by Mrs. Grown Heats"
Benjamin Taylor Lally, "Daddy Ditty"
M.S. Sukumaran Nair, "Waste Band"
Rachel Neal, "A Villanelle of Love and Sorrow"
John Poch, "The Girl Who Loved TV"
L. Rigdon, "F**k Global Warming and All You Damn Hippies"
Debra Shulkes, "The Thick Nose"
Fara Spence, "The Test"
Tammy Tillotson, "The Book of POD: Psalm 69:1-18"
James K. Zimmerman, "Score: Kipling 1, Keats 0"
Finalists
H.L. Bessinger, "My Mind Is A Wasteland: An Epic"
Kenzo Kon Dedaņ-Duozhu, "In Bed With St. Ignatius These Late Antiquity Nights: A Manifesto on Aspiration"
Sarah Evans, "Musings of a Deranged Sea Monkey"
Lamar Hedgepeth, "The Greatest Poem Ever Written!"
Tim Kimbirk, Untitled ("Should I bring comparison...")
Todd Lee, "Ode to Leah"
Barbara Lefcowitz, "An April Love Song for You"
John McKernan, "Dancing with a Corset"
Jesse Nieboer, "The Breakup"
Jim O'Brien, "I Hates the Rain"
Senyo Whyte, "Preludes"
Graham Younger, "Ode to Insight or Metaphor; or, Musical Nipples"
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