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Contests : Tom Howard/John H. Reid Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2009 : Third Prize
WHAT I DID IN THE 20TH CENTURY
I marched with Martin
I walked on the moon
I survived Pearl Harbor
I heard Bing Crosby croon.
I pitched to Babe Ruth
I studied with Yoda
I buried Paul
I married Rhoda.
I raised the flag
On Iwo Jima
I dropped the bomb
On Hiroshima.
I changed my name
From Cassius Clay
I saw Clinton shake hands
With JFK.
From Emily Post
I learned things proper
I sat at a diner
With Edward Hopper.
I did leg-lifts
With Hanoi Jane
I warned Tokyo Rose
That I knew John Wayne.
I went to Betty Ford
I changed my gender
I was Rodney King's
Public defender.
I never imagined
The Challenger's fate
I knelt by a body
Killed at Kent State.
I looked for Patty Hearst
I hugged Helen Keller
For three years I hid
Jews in my cellar.
I waved in Paris
To Lucky Lindy
I wrote TV scripts
For "Mork and Mindy."
I chased after Oswald
Was hurt at Wounded Knee
I pub-crawled with Sinatra
I ate a lot of brie.
I thought Y2K
Sounded ominous
I told Bill W.
To try anonymous.
I founded Time
With Henry Luce
I fixed the World Series
I flew the Spruce Goose.
I saw Audrey Hepburn
Help define glamour
I told Einstein E
Equals M.C. Hammer.
I met Woody Guthrie
I rode with Pancho Villa
I painted Norman Rockwell
I served in Korea.
I edited Margaret
Mitchell's only book
Julia Child begged me
To teach her to cook.
I was in a big band
I became a swinger
A disco dancer
A jazz singer.
My Edsel died
After just one block
I sold my burger joint
To Mr. Ray Kroc.
I bought a network
With William Paley
I traced my roots
With Alex Haley.
I built the Guggenheim
And Hoover Dam
I read my son
"Green Eggs and Ham."
Amelia Earhart
I never found
It was my idea
To give movies sound.
I boycotted grapes
I did time with Capone
I bought a computer
I gave Bill Gates a loan.
I guzzled Tang in space
I thought O.J. was guilty
I gave guns to the Contras
I watched Uncle Miltie.
I drove my Chevy
Across every state
I skipped my reunion
I hopped on a freight.
I showed Walt Disney
How to draw Mickey
I told Jackie Robinson
To call Branch Rickey.
Johnny Weissmuller
I taught to swim
J. Edgar Hoover?
I had dirt on him.
I designed bikinis
I got into Zen
I played The Beach Boys
For Barbie and Ken.
I took Elvis Presley
On panty raids
I cured polio
I didn't cure AIDS.
I gave baby advice
To Dr. Spock
I shouldn't have sold
My IBM stock.
I carved Mt. Rushmore
I used penicillin
I wrote child labor laws
I interviewed Dylan.
I hid the football
From Charlie Brown
I bought my first house
In Levittown.
I moved out West
With the Dodgers
My TV neighbor
Was Mr. Rogers.
I looked for aliens
With Mulder and Scully
I taught Martha Graham
The Hully Gully.
I stuck a flower
Into a cop's gun
I swore LBJ in
On Air Force One.
I was a salesman
With Willy Loman
The Joads picked us up
Not a good omen.
I helped tear down
The Berlin Wall
I subscribed to Ms.
I shopped at the mall.
I crashed parties
With Zelda and Scott
I let Gary Hart
Borrow my yacht.
I whispered "rosebud"
To Citizen Kane
I did nothing with George,
Jerry and Elaine.
I gave Madonna
A pair of cones
I didn't drink Kool-Aid
I got from Jim Jones.
I swallowed goldfish
I became a punker
I led the troops
To Hitler's bunker.
I was home alone
With Macaulay Culkin
I stole the ring
From J.R.R. Tolkien.
I heard fireside chats
Up at Manzanar
I shot Bonnie & Clyde
I went a bridge too far.
I painted skulls
With Georgia O'Keefe
I asked Clara Peller,
"Where's the beef?"
I got Gulf War Syndrome
I went to Rick's Café
I put in a bomb shelter
I was openly gay.
Saddam Hussein
I tried to waylay
I couldn't believe
The grace of Pele.
I went airborne with
Two brothers named Wright
I had a test tube baby
I drank a Bud Lite.
I crashed the Hindenburg
My food was organic
I spied on the Rosenbergs
I sank the Titanic.
I got arrested in
The quiz show scandals
For Princess Di
I lit some candles.
I placed a bet on
Secretariat
Will Rogers taught me
To twirl a lariat.
I aced Rod Laver
I caught Jeffrey Dahmer
I played golf with Ike
And Arnold Palmer.
I bought Imelda
Shoes in Manila
I captured King Kong
I wrestled Godzilla.
I helped decipher
The Dead Sea Scrolls
I ended The Cold War
I took Gallup polls.
I grabbed Hinckley's gun
I performed in Branson
I waited for Godot
I convicted Manson.
I told King Edward
To abdicate
I led the break-in
At the Watergate.
I subscribed to Mad
What, me worry?
Signed the peace treaty on
The USS Missouri.
I snapped the picture
Of that napalmed girl
At the Grand Ole Opry
I sang with Minnie Pearl.
I raised my eyebrows
Like Groucho Marx
I gave up my seat
To Rosa Parks.
I made RCA
Bring back Nipper
I helped win one
For the Gipper.
I played Monopoly
I used lots of Velcro
I told Johnny Carson
He had a swell show.
I taught Jack Nicholson
To smile that smile
I ate a banana at the
Scopes "Monkey Trial."
I took the Fifth on
Each HUAC query
I turned on & dropped out
With Timothy Leary.
I briefly went on a
Fast with Gandhi
I was lead guitar on
A tour with Blondie.
I saw women weep
For Valentino
I acted tough
Like Janet Reno.
I phoned E.T.
I chased Bugs Bunny
In 1929
I lost all my money.
I sang a duet
With Beverly Sills
I followed the Clampetts
To Beverly Hills.
I pulled off my shirt
Like Brandi Chastain
I looked for the wreckage
Of John-John's plane.
I heard Ellington play
And Caruso sing
I can't believe
I ate the whole thing.
I practiced pratfalls
With Laurel and Hardy
I played two seasons
For Vince Lombardi.
I helped create that
Beef Jerky snack
I went on the road
With Jack Kerouac.
I drove the freeways
I stood in breadlines
I watched the evening news
I read tabloid headlines.
I entertained troops
With Mr. Bob Hope
I kissed Marilyn Monroe
I used soap-on-a-rope.
I worked hard to free
Nelson Mandela
At The Apollo
I cheered for Ella.
I watched Krushchev as
He banged his shoe
I hummed "White Christmas"
On my kazoo.
With my Visa card
I shopped at Saks
I put tiny prizes
Into Cracker Jacks.
I lent my sports car
To James Dean
I went to Starbucks for
My daily caffeine.
I drank with Hank Williams
I made friends on the net
The basic right to vote
I helped women get.
I watched Shirley Temple
Become an adult
I passed the G.I. Bill
I escaped from a cult.
The Marlboro Man
Told me not to smoke
I drank Diet Pepsi
And Classic Coke.
I bought a Picasso
Met that Corleone hood
I raced through "Ulysses"
Using Evelyn Wood.
I watched Viagra
And the pill change sex
I heard the shots
Fired at Malcolm X.
I drove for Henry Ford
I fought at Verdun
I hung out with Warhol
I set my Phaser to stun.
I learned in Oz
There's no place like home
I got into trouble
With Teapot Dome.
I sold war bonds, joined
The Peace Corps gladly
I said, "Hey, Boo" when
I met Boo Radley.
I danced the Charleston
I invented The Twist
I cheated on Wall Street
Got a slap on the wrist.
On "Sesame Street"
I wore my Keds
Saw Klansmen under sheets
Commies under beds.
I sneaked one day
Into Batman's lair
I bought Teddy Roosevelt
A Teddy bear.
I played catch with
The Catcher in the Rye
I protected kids
At Columbine High.
I loved Lucy
I took Prozac
I made bathtub gin
I watched "Kojak."
In Lake Wobegon
I spent some time
I led Edmund Hillary
On his Everest climb.
I went to a lecture
By Stephen Hawking
I saw Christopher Reeve
In my dreams walking.
I worked for Edison
I danced with Nijinsky
I introduced Freud
To Ted Kaczynski.
One hundred years
In ninety-three verses
I can't get it all in
That's what the curse is.
I know there are holes
In my reminiscing...
But life's a puzzle with
Some pieces missing.
This poem won third prize in the 2009 Tom
Howard/John H. Reid Poetry Contest sponsored by Tom Howard Books. Author Tony Peyser received a $500 award. Winning Writers assists this contest. Copyright is reserved to the author.
About Tony Peyser
Since 2004, Tony Peyser has written Verse-Case Scenario (daily poems about politics) for BuzzFlash, the news & commentary site. He was a finalist for the 2008 Wabash Prize in Poetry. Gas, Food, Lodging, Cure For Autism: Next 3 Exits was a finalist for the 2009 ABZ Press Book Prize. "Incident Outside A Used Bookstore" will appear in the January 2010 issue of Pearl.
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