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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2006 : Dakotah Burns
LIKE A SNOW DAY
If there were a national holiday
called "Five Presidents' Day," this
is how I would commemorate it:
I. Richard Nixon
A fat little boy who also happens to be
a close friend of mine was bouncing a ball
down a European street
with a warped perspective.
The ball eluded him and bounced
down the decline. He trotted to reclaim it
and made to throw his ball back up the street
into my indifferent hands, but
the street's perspective was so warped
that he was a tiny figure and the ball
couldn't possibly hope to journey
as far as the crest of the incline.
Just then RICHARD NIXON pulled up
in a station wagon and said: "Sweet Jesus
Fuck, Dakotah, why don't you just saunter
down the decline and grab the ball?
The boy's throwing has thus far
been futile, and it's ripping my heart
in two." And so I walked midway down the street
so as to accommodate the warped perspective,
and as the ball curved towards me
I realized it was hollow and metallic gray,
reflecting so many colors in the early sunlight.
II. Jimmy Carter
I was driving through the shopping district
of my hometown in a large, black sports
utility vehicle when I passed a shopping mall
in the parking lot of which sat a red Jeep Wrangler,
full of four tightly packed teenage girls
and JIMMY CARTER. They were chit-chattering
and as happy as reunited girlfriends often are.
III. Gerald Ford
GERALD FORD saw a small mouse
in his bathroom
and soon he will be dead.
IV. Lyndon Johnson
There was a dark skinned foreigner
with a feminine mustache sitting
in a conference room. He was
allegedly retarded. In between
myself and the foreigner at the table
sat LYNDON JOHNSON. He was
translating the foreigner's statements.
The compromises were few. I have little
news to report other than that true negotiations
will begin tomorrow. Cautiously optimistic
is the language of the eager and the desolate,
and so today I will remain in the swamps
of that vague category.
V. Harry Truman
HARRY TRUMAN is waiting for me
in a black leotard
by the ocean.
Sent as a joke to League of American Poets, this poem won third prize in the 2006 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers. Author Dakotah Burns received a cash prize of $60.
About Dakotah Burns
Dakotah Burns is currently studying English at the University of Louisville in Louisville, Kentucky. Most of his writing can be found at his online journal, dearmulan.livejournal.com, in which all work is specifically and carefully addressed to the historical heroine/classic animated character Mulan. His poem "Like a Snow Day" was inspired by a slightly obscene dream he experienced while on vacation in Portugal.
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