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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2006 : Steve Gottlieb
AUTOMOTIVE SAFETY SURVEY
A few months ago, my debts were discharged;
My bankruptcy over, I was once more at large
To spend as I would, with no legal imbroglios,
My credit card debt had gone the way of the dodoes.
So I bought me a car, a two-thousand-two Sable;
To say what were the payments I'd be wholly unable.
I drove to Ohio, to Kentucky, then back
To old Indiana, where I raced on a track.
Before long the car was just rust on a frame;
But call it a car? Sure, but only in name.
Soon the repo man came, with his truck and his cable;
And pried from my grip the wheel of that Sable.
So I bought me a Nissan, I think an aught-three;
Which I drove and I drove until I met a tree.
It was a white maple, I now seem to recall;
Or was it the Nissan which I met with that wall?
No, into the wall I drove the Mitusbishi;
The diners were stunned, yet remained quite chi-chi.
Next my Isuzu slid over a cliff;
Just as I stopped to give someone a lift.
Good thing for me, I had just stepped out;
Yet I still wished that I had avoided that route.
So then what became of my ninety-nine Ford?
I think of it often, at least when I'm bored.
It was a nice one, with air foils and flames;
A genuine favorite of alla' the dames.
All I remember's the noise of the crash;
My recollection goes by in a flash.
I awoke in a bed, bandaged down to my toes;
The doctors called it luck that I retained those.
The car was a loss, you can take it from me;
A loss to the earth, 'though a gain for the sea.
I also once lost an eighty-nine Chevy;
That sucker crashed, then plunged off of a levy.
I have much better luck with Chryslers and Dodges;
Even I can't wreck those slamming into mirages.
But you can't wreck a car on an illusory basis;
At least you must wait till you find an oasis.
So here I sit in the midst of the sand;
With nothing for miles but this dust-covered land.
Just me in this two-thousand-one Dodge SUV;
I don't wanna wreck it; now how would that be?
I'll sit here in the desert and just wait, alas;
It helps that I long ago ran out of gas.
Sent as a joke to www.poetryamerica.com, this poem was a finalist in the 2006 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers.
About Steve Gottlieb
Steve Gottlieb is an attorney and freelance writer and editor living somewhere in Indiana. A former radio announcer, he holds a Bachelor of Science in Communications from Xavier University and a J.D. degree from Indiana University. He has written for such uproariously funny publications as the Federal Discovery News and the Educational Resources Information Center (ERIC)'s Digest, and is the author of "A High School Student's Bill of Rights". Steve, who recently married his second and final wife, is the father of two and stepfather of one, and co-guardian of one dog and one cat.
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