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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2006 : Jim Neill
MASCULINE MESSAGE FROM DAMION MCGRAW
Put yourself in a state of mind where you say to yourself
Farm girls know how to party.
If anxiety is becoming too much for you to handle...
Adventure awaits! Geisha Bingo!
Impress your woman with your animal instincts!
Confirmation: Petco Card
The miracle tool for your johnson
Eggstractor—The Hardboiled Egg Peeler
Lose the wrinkles
Never lose your keys
Midget sex
Make Your Little Guy Big
Tired of being LONELY?
Welcome to the World of Jill!
What would you do with your own GPS?
Are you ready to wear a bikini?
Someone is interested in you.
Anna Nicole's Boyfriend.
Want to know more about your family history?
Are you a man or mouse?
Hot discount reality!
Our little secret.
They won't know it's a replica.
Is the low carb thing for real?
WOOF—Free Dog Treats
New Rumor On Wall Street
Olsen Twins use online Pharmacy
Deal with your libido now!
No Shaving
No Waxing
No Pain
Spring Break girls
Run amuck on the farm!
Wild country gals
Take Spring Break!
Does your girl like surprises?
You lack credentials for that position
An Email From God!
ha ha ha your penis is so small
Oprah's Secret Diet?
She cant possibly be enjoying this!
Can you really put a price tag on your family
Sell it on ebay!
Your Managers Don't Have Expertise They Have This
Sex with animals
Skanky MILF Spreads
Taste just like butter!
The truth about Olestra
Gushing, Exploding, Squirting and Dripping: All in One
Personalized Letters from Santa
Prince got one
Stop punching a clock
Make your tame python work
You won't believe what you can get for a buck
Mail-order brides
New vegetarian Hot Pockets!
Just 15 minutes and it will be hard as ROCK!
What's in your louis vuitton handbag?
Trojans are everywhere
If you die tonight, what happens to your family tomorrow?
Disneyland! great vacation packages
if god gave you one wish, what do you want most?
An iPod is waiting for you...
We have sexy lingerie for YOU!
Your Dog Will Love It!
We have located several horny women in your area!
Have you gone to church lately?
Give Her More Meat
Frozen steaks by mail
Take Control of Your Hair Loss
Official Red Sox caps
Have The Body You've Always Wanted
Pick your color, get it free.
What happens when you invite her in?
THERE WILL BE NO EXTENSION OF DATE
Schwarzenegger, just 5 minutes
Rambo, just 10 minutes
Some say it hurts, some like it
She's got a suprise in her pants ;)
Robomaid amazing new robotic duster
We need you to test new products!
Your lover will jump for joy when you do this!
Why they all want you!
Schwarze Jungs haben's drauf
ASSET TRANSFER NOTICE
Cellulite please be gone
Large thighs please go away
New Breed of Stock Trader
asian angels + black monsters
Massive bombing raid
Don't miss Neil Diamond
Sent as a joke to Poetry.com, this poem won second prize in the 2006 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers. All lines in this poem are actual spam email headers. Author Jim Neill received a cash prize of $169.
About Jim Neill
Jim has been kept from his writing urge by a career in the music business until now. "A career," his father always told him, "is a job that's gone on for far too long." He was raised in Amherst, Mass., got a BA in English from the University of Massachusetts, managed WMUA for a few years, DJ'd at WRSI, and took a promotion job at upstart indy label Rykodisc in Boston in 1988. He moved to Los Angeles in 1992 where he spent 8 years at Rhino Records in the same capacity. He was a DJ on KCRW, took some writing classes at UCLA, dated a C-list movie star, and was shot in the face in a random drive-by. He appeared on a game show and won lots of particle board furniture. He programmed audio channels for Air Force 1 & 2. He left Los Angeles in 2003 and returned to Western Massachusetts where he'd grown up. He continues to grow up. Currently, he's the print/poster buyer at Faces in Northampton. He founded Drive By Poets, a public poetry postering project. He's saving up his allowance to start the MFA Writing program at UMass.
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