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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2007 : Tina Blevins
SONNETS TO THE MAYONNAISE
1
No need for food to stand erect and strong,
When globular it most delights my taste;
Grease-dripped and dolloped round my loaded plate,
It sings my soul a deep-fried glory song:
"O seize this day with fork's prodigious prong,
Subdue this lard to malleable paste!
Consume it now with great, with rapturous haste,
And then submit thyself to napping long!"
I am no transient servant to trans fats;
I pledge allegiance to the mayonnaise.
With breakfast, lunch, with dinner, and with snack,
I vow to serve my stomach all my days,
Until my eyes close and my limbs go slack,
And I pass into gustatory haze.
2
I say again, and yet once over again,
"A number three with fries and extra mustard,
Two cherry pies and one banana custard."
O feed me 'til my middle swells with pain,
My back bowed over with the whale-ish gain,
'Til bending forward leaves me fagged and flustered!
My fat cells, bulged and carbohydrate-lustered,
Squat round my face and clog my candied brain,
Cry "Eat once more!" O how can I not hear?
Thus I consume, consume, and pay the toll;
Though small my clothing grows, I shed no tear.
My belly blossoms with prodigious roll!
I'll gobble all the sundaes of the year,
And gorge the sweetness-craving of my soul.
Sent as a joke to Poetry.com, this poem won an honorable mention in the 2007 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers. Author Tina Blevins received a cash prize of $72.95.
About Tina Blevins
Tina Blevins is currently working on her Creative Writing MFA at the
University of Virginia, and lives in a dilapidated house with her roommate,
Abby, and her beloved cat, Gravyboat Sexybooks. When she isn't writing, she
enjoys TV on DVD, vegetarian cooking, fighting Great Injustice with the
Terrible Swift Sword of Didacticism, and discovering which bars serve the
best cosmopolitans in Charlottesville. She reminds other writers that money
is much better spent on cosmopolitans than on Poetry.com anthologies and, as
always, urges her fellows to read as much Alexander Pope as humanly
possible. Tina's poem "Ron Truman" won second prize in our 2004 Wergle Flomp Poetry Contest.
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