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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2007 : Alistair Isaac
SONG OF THE HUMPBACK
(a fantastickal romance)
Laughing like a laughing-guy
I watched red roses streak the sky
from the bottom of a dugout canoe
hiding from (imagining humping)
you.
Longing like a lonely guy
idle thoughts of / taunts from you swept by,
ambivilential questions questioned I
of you and I, regretted humps-past...
(sigh).
Listening (whispering) to footsteps in the sand,
listlessly fingering seawiddeness strands
imagination (again) heads humping's course:
can it be (hopefully / hesitantly) these footeps are
yours?
Wait! is this day—the stars in space
mere holes in a collander placed over my face?
Or is this night—that stuffiness I feel
mere dread of unrequited hump-zeal?
Confusion mounts (no pun intended)
as canoe by freshwater whales upended
sends my reverie from hump to humpbacks,
my yearning from you to beak-watering squidsnacks!
O! —for a herd of squid to chase these pesky whale!
Sashimi squishi suction swords squale,
full ten of them strong, limbs swing through the surf
pummeling whale into watery hearse!
And Neptune beside the procession strode
on squid stilts they marched to funereal grove
where cephalopodiness victory song gave way to lament
in respect for a foe now sunken and spent...
Such squidilicious deluge-tions distract me no more!
From wet dream-squids fly to the safety of shore;
I must breaststroke with all might or sink to my doom,
with your beachy presence reunite or drown in shallow tomb!
At last I reach the edge of the sea
and the footprints from the footsteps in stanza three;
examining their shape, I'm pinced by a pincer
of tiny sand crab defending big-toe's indenture.
Looking up with a start I see you at last
down the beach: your calves, your thighs, your ass!
Oh modern permissive standards in beach-wear!
How hump-longing rises in every male stare!
Run to me my palpably hump-able one,
hose off your feet, let’s get out of the sun;
our own humpback we’ll form in the private coccon
of the beachside Hilton bridal suite (a veritable hump-room).
Greedily, squidily hump be-bumpsy rumpous!
Hump-mungous love by humpbacks made scrumptious;
in sickness and in health, 'til death do us hump!
Hump-diddily rump-diddily bump bump bump!
Sent as a joke to Poetry.com, this poem was a finalist in the 2007 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers.
About Alistair Isaac
Alistair Isaac studied Japanese literature at Harvard University,
graduating in 2000. After several years pursuing his interests in
music and filmmaking, he has returned to academia and is currently a
graduate student in philosophy at Stanford University. His interest
in poetry dates back to his earliest attempts at lyric writing in
high school. As an undergraduate, he maintained a humorous website
collecting haiku he wrote in Japanese class (usually on the topic of
his instructor's tantalizing beauty). He recently combined his
interest with poetry with his interest in philosophical linguistics by
writing a software program which uses automata theory to generate
random haiku.
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