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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2009 : Sarah Evans
MUSINGS OF A DERANGED SEA MONKEY
As I am hobo with a bindle
I have come across
Many things
In my travels
Concerning life
I will enlighten you
About a few of them in poem form
If someone offers you
A free colonoscopy
You should get all over that
And if she weren't your sister
You should be all over that too
In general, people in Pennsylvania
Don't know what a stoop is and
Sometimes people are serious
About their Walmart savings
It is not advisable
To forget your elbows
And Bob Barker should be host of the world
It's not my fault
You were in a gay porn and
Nobody wants to kiss blood
If you want to play blackjack
But your dealer is high
All he will want is soup
My condolences
Most times
You will be harshly scolded
If you leave maggots
On the porch
And when somebody is massaging their "gross toilet,"
They did not say "roasted toilet"
When you donate your body to science
They do not
Throw it into tornadoes
A girl had a dream once
Where Al Roker kidnapped her
The lesson there was
Boys are like strombolis
or
Maybe it was that rainbows can shoot people
I don't remember but
Keep in mind
Just because I'm fat
Doesn't mean
I can't color
One time I farted
And I moved an inch
No Really
Also, humpers belong OUTSIDE!
Whether the Hulk is too big or not
Is debatable
However
Oprah has her own island
And it is called
Oprah Island
Some skinheads live there
They are sooooooo funny
And Hitler
Did not have big boobs
Babies are like mercury
And if you keep them in your hands forever
They'll die
Bears aren't elephants
And pennies are worth nothing
A man once informed me
If someone steals your milk
You should steal his clothes
Because Hippos have been known
To eat deer
Sometimes
To re-right a wrong
You dance the pole
Don't watch football
For its military tactics
But if you scare children
And sometimes try to choke them
Think of becoming a clown
Because drying out
Your lips is fun
Ponies are evil
And I'm fairly sure
Everything would be better
If walruses had stingers
Even this poem
These are thing I've learned
So if you didn't pay attention...
I don't know.
Sent as a joke to PoetryAmerica, this poem was a finalist in the 2009 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers.
About Sarah Evans
I am currently 20 years old and the oldest of six children. I'm a sophomore at Northampton Community College in Tannersville, Pennsylvania. Once I'm done matriculating, I plan on becoming an English professor. I've written poetry for as long as I can remember but most of my other poetry is more serious. I've won a few writing contests but I obviously haven't won this one yet so that's on my list of things to accomplish. I love writing and will continue to do it for as long as I have a place to hold a pencil.
I also enjoy playing zombie-horror video games and answering trivia questions. I love arts and crafts and occasionally sell some of them for profit. If anyone needs mosaic work or face painting done, I'm your girl. The longest amount of time that I've ever stayed awake for is 42 hours.
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