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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2009 : Jim O'Brien
I HATES THE RAIN
Every time I catch a fish,
Preceded by an outward splish,
I get the sense of Winner's Thrill,
I am one; nature nil.
But all too often when outside,
Too far from home to run or hide,
The clouds they spit and wee and piss,
I did not ask nature for this.
My enemy is big and vast,
Her reach is long, her ammo vast,
From her first taunt to my last breath,
Wind slapped my face, the duel was set.
Ignore the colors of your bin,
A vital start to bag a win,
Dump your rubbish willy-nilly,
Strew your garbage somewhere silly.
Out your windows, on your lawns,
Starting early (before it dawns),
'Cos she can't see when it is dark,
The half-blind witch she needs the spark.
Burn and burn the Styrofoam,
That makes its way into your home,
In 'long side the new TVs,
The packing for the kitchen freeze.
Leave dirty nappies on the beach,
Drive so hard your tyres screech,
Swap your hatchback for a lorry,
The fumes you see? She'll be sorry.
Pour engine oil into the streams,
Laugh out loud as wildlife screams,
Use CFC's whenever you can,
Double doses: Scent of Man.
I'm sick of all her childish tricks,
Waiting 'till you’re in the sticks,
Till she does rain and storm and pour,
Ruined all events in '94.
Countless picnics, an outdoor wedding,
For barbeques she sends clouds heading,
Do your bit for me and you,
She's heartless, mean and selfish too.
The petty rules, I'm sick of it,
No longer can I give a shit,
"Bottles here, cardboard there,
Do not pollute our lovely air".
"Water shortage my arse" says me,
I'm gonna go kill me a tree,
We can't enjoy the air you see,
For it's raining almost constantly.
I am bitter but you are needy,
Left to you the grass goes weedy,
You gave us rats and killer bugs,
Tell me please, the use for slugs?
Strange diseases, wasps and fleas,
Why on earth did you send these?
I'm sending you a present back,
Plumes of smoke all acrid, black
Breathe it in, get all dizzy,
My attempts will keep you busy,
If you die before I wake,
I'll celebrate with bonfire cake!
Sent as a joke to Poetry.com, this poem was a finalist in the 2009 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers.
About Jim O'Brien
Jim O'Brien is a native of Ireland. He enjoys writing poems for his son but can't wait until his son starts writing them for himself so he can get back to listening to records.
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