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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2010 : Tabitha Bagatha
A FRIVOLOUS SOCIAL EVENT IN THE USA
Concept by Miley Cyrus
Abridgement by self
I dismounted my steed at the L.A. crossroads
With but a dream and a busking-shawl,
Here was the orgy-place of plenitude and fame,
And great alterity in mine eyes withal.
Ascended I into a rickshaw-sleigh
And to my right was the Hollywood mark;
Overwhelmed with the overweening,
My stomach burned with sickening spark.
A weight on my vitals grew e'er more grievous
Like the slow engorging of an engaging penis
My nerves shook like an underweight machinist
That was when the rickshaw-man a songbird became:
And a Jay-Z song lilted from his lips
And a Jay-Z song eddied about my dome
And a lyricism thus Jay-Z branded exploded in my pate
I raised my hands, the song raked my pleasure spots,
The goblins of angst hied away,
My nodding is indicative of "Yes,"
My pelvis is a metronome screaming "Yes,"
My hands remained airborne, lifted by the lyrical thermal,
And the world smelled of ice cream shops;
Verily, ensued a flutter of merriment in the USA,
In sooth, a percolation of gaiety in the USA.
Arriving at the box social rickshaw-borne,
Judging gazes on me like Tartars' darts:
"Who durst sully this scene with such apparel?
She must hail from more bucolic parts";
All familiarity is a thousand leagues behind;
I might have walked into an alien-probing quarter:
Specimens of a separate species,
Exchanging body parts and buttholes for barter.
Again the vomit rises like a tide in my windpipe
As if I ate a satchel of freshly-farted-on tripe
But then the minstrelista began to chant
And a Britney song emanated from her throat
And a Britney song climbed honeyed into my ear
And an ode descanted by Britney was inserted audibly into my consciousness like a dildo into an anal opening
I raised my hands, the song raked my pleasure spots,
The goblins of angst hied away,
I bobbed my head, miming "Yeah,"
I wriggled my hips, so intimating "Yeah,"
My hands waving like an anemone in playfulness,
My heart settled like a sedated pony;
Verily twas a shining shindig in the USA,
In sooth, a raucous gala in the USA.
Every moment I tremble to escape this place
Every second I take fright at a grimacing face
A warble, a tune, a whistle, a song
Gives me a magical eargasm like a narwhal fucking my G-spot with his tusk.
I raised my hands, the song raked my pleasure spots,
The goblins of angst hied away,
Verily, ensued a party in the USA,
In sooth, a party in the USA.
This poem is the 2010 winner of the Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers. It is a parody of the Miley Cyrus song "Party in the USA". Author Tabitha Bagatha received a cash prize of $1,500.
About Tabitha Bagatha
I am the high priestess of the temple of Miley Cyrus, of the Gregorian chapter. The words call to me, verily, and spit divine plasma into my auditory receptors, such that the grandness of her words rub up salaciously against the holy spark in me. I have a bachelor's degree in Miley Cyrus and am a licensed Miley Cyrus technician. I studied oracle bone reading at Cambridge to know the will of Miley Cyrus. I am a certified herpetologist and keeper of the earthquake-predicting snakes that protect Miley Cyrus in the tectonic hell of California. I am a professional shepherd and keeper of the goats of Miley Cyrus, from whom I make Miley Cyrus cheese and whose entrails I read to predict the tour dates of Miley Cyrus.
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