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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2010 : Susan White
SALVATION DRIVE-THRU
Feed your soul and your belly.
Confess to the Babylon speaker before ordering.
Pay at the first window, and
Receive your communion bag at the second window.
That's right. It's just that easy.
Cruise through Christ the King Food Corral,
where we observe three commandments:
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's car,
Thou shalt not write bad checks,
Thou shalt not eat elsewhere.
Deny the temptation of false food.
Remember, Christ is the only king,
and He wears a crown of thorns—
not a cardboard Burger King crown.
Don't succumb to the foolish clowning
Of Ronald McDonald.
And, friends, do not be tempted by Wendy's
or the Dairy Queen's food.
Our scriptures warn us of the food that
women offer.
We offer a blessed menu:
Tower of Babble Fountain Beverages
Hallelujah Milkshakes
Holy Water
The Pontius Pilate Platter
Solomon's Half-Sandwich
Sirloin on the Mount
Abraham and Cheese
Goliath Burger
Lamb of God
Eden Salad
Magdalene Melt
Adam's Ribs
Shrimp with Red Sea Sauce
Meek Fries, Almighty Fries, and God Almighty Fries
Onion Halos
And Ten Essential Condiments
For dessert, we have
Peter's Triple Freeze,
Apple Resurrections,
Valley of Death Chocolate Sunday,
and Sinai Pie
And, since the secular world is a polluted place,
we offer more than physical nourishment.
We have a second drive-thru
for those in need of cleansing.
The Car and Soul Wash.
Experience the convenience of wheelin' through healin'.
For just ten dollars, purify your car
and heal your body and spirit.
Simply press a button to
designate physical or spiritual healing
and, using the alphabetical pad,
type your ailment or burden.
After your car is cleaned,
two mechanical hands of God
Will clasp your car, clearing
your mind, body, and soul.
When the light flashes SAVED,
Drive in health and peace.
Be sure to save your friends and family. Tell them about Christ the King Food Corral. (If you send 1,000 people to us, you'll receive a gold-plated ticket to paradise.)
Ask about our Magi gift certificates
Kids under twelve may select one of our toys: Holy Rollers, Crèche Critters, or the Magical Messiah Action Figure
Christ the King Food Corral: Satisfy Your Cravin' for Christ.
This poem won an honorable mention in the 2010 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers. Author Susan White received a cash prize of $75.
About Susan White
Susan White corrupts the youth at Carolina Day School in Asheville, North Carolina. She has found that humor allows people to get away with just about anything. When she's not "teaching", she roams the woods trying to forget she's human. She has published fiction in Fresh Boiled Peanuts, River Walk Journal, and Front Range Review. Recently, she has horrified friends and family by writing nonfiction; these stories, which are stranger than her fiction, appear in The Pisgah Review, Barely South, For Daddy with Love, and Dear John, I Love Jane. "Salvation Drive-thru" is her only poem she has let others read.
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