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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2011 : Janette Berry
MENOPAUSAL RHAPSODY
Is this my fibroids?
Is this anxiety?
Caught in a hot flash
No relief from humidity
Open my legs
Look up to my womb and see
I'm just an old bitch (old bitch), I want big sympathy
Because I'm bloody hot, freezing cold
Little tight, will explode
By the way, my wind blows, and my bladder's leaky, I pee, I pee
Doctor, I'm tense again
Felt a shock inside my head
Scared my husband with my breath
Doctor, bells ring in my ears
Please take my womb and throw it all away
Doctor, o-o-o-o
Didn't want to smell of sweat
If I've not made it clear this time, male gyny
Carry on, tarry not, your opinion doesn’t matter
I'm late, I missed a month
Vagina is in pain
As I lose my estrogen
So long uterus now, you have to go
Gotta leave my womanhood and face the sluice
Doctor, o-o-o-o (by the way my wind blows)
I don't want to bloat
Sometimes wish I'd never been born to flow
I get a bitchin' malady every month
Shave my bush, mind my tush, please excuse my fartdango
Pre-med shot, and Oxy, kiss me doc, you're sexy, please
High libido, low libido,
High libido, low libido,
High libido, surgery
Endometrio-o-o-o-o-o
I'm just an old bitch, no one understands me
She's such a sad cow; let's make her hormone-free
Give her the juice an' hysterectomy
Take the womb; take it all, else I'll kill you all
Ms. Miller! No, we will not let you go. Let her go
Ms. Miller! We will not let you go. Let her go
Ms. Miller! We will not let you go. Let her go
Will not let you go. Let her go. (Heifer)
Will not let you go.
Never let you go-o-o-o
No, non, nee, nej, nem, na, nein
Oh ovaria, ovaria,
Ovaria, please let go
Hormonal curse is a demon put inside of me
of me
of me
So you think you can cyst me and sit 'til I die
So you think you can hang on and wither and dry
O-vary, say goodbye to me ovary
Just gotta get sleep, just gotta get pulled out of me.
O-o-o-o. Snooze yeh, snooze yeh
Weight gain doesn't matter
Give me HRT
Soft bones doesn't matter
Moustache doesn't matter to me.
Careful as my wind blows...
This poem won an honorable mention in the 2011 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers. It is a parody of the song "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. Author Janette Berry received a cash prize of $75. Ms. Berry also won an Honorable Mention in this contest in 2009 for "She Sulks at Gravity".
About Janette Berry
I am honored to be back on the winning team. This contest is fun and gives me a chance to vent over the woes of seasoning. This past year I have written a number of short stories (a few have been shortlisted in competitions) and an assortment of poetry, and completed a novella. I am never without an idea and strive to become a published author.
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