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Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2011 : John Crowley
THREE LITTLE PIGS
Three little pigs.
That's a story you'll know,
But it's all made of lies...
Give the real tale a go:
They were bullies and rude,
So disruptive at school,
In lessons wreaked havoc,
To pupils, so cruel
They would tease and torment
They would punch kick and spit
They would lock kids in toilets
And make them eat shit
But these bullies, whilst all
Pupils they would engulf
Set their main sites on one guy—
A poor lonely wolf
He spent his time huffing
And puffing about
His asthma was dreadful
He could not play out
But the main reason those pigs
Would bully him so
Is poor wolf was a gay boy
A queer, a homo
It went on through years
One and two of his schooling,
The third and fourth year also
Saw those pigs ruling
But finally, fifth year,
The wolf's temper flared...
His fur stood on end
And his sharp teeth he bared
He followed one bully to
His house of straw
He peered through the window
And here's what he saw:
The homophobe pig
Who'd wolf's confidence torn
Was sat in his room
Wanking off to gay porn
The wolf started huffing
And puffing in shock
The straw door blew over
For it had no lock
Well the piggy he jumped,
Zipped his pants up and fled
To his piggy friend's hideout
In his garden shed
The wolf started chasing
With hate in his eyes
And arrived at the wood hut
For another surprise:
The other pig sat,
Knowing not wolfy was there
With a plug up his butt
Blissfully unaware
He wheeled round in shock
As the first pig burst in
And screamed "NOT BY THE HAIRS
ON MY COCK GOBBLING CHIN!"
"It's the wolf, he is here
And he knows we are queer,"
And wolf huffed and he puffed
Then he burst through the rear
They were off like a shot
Screaming out in pure fright
And ran straight to their friend's house
To wolfy's delight
As they rang the bell
Of the other pig's place
He answered the door
Dressed in stockings and lace.
"Give us shelter" they squealed
"There's a wolf on a mission!
Help us, before he beats
Us to submission!"
But it was too late, the
Gay wolf was there
He was wheezing and puffing
And ready to tear
And no sooner had they shut the
Big heavy door
He had kicked off its hinges
And lifted his claw
"Don't eat us" they cried
"We don't want to be dead"
The wolf replied
"Let's have an orgy instead!!"
This poem was a finalist in the 2011 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers.
About John Crowley
My name is John.
Or as I often get referred to, Wrong John.
There is a story behind this title, but let's save that for another day. I work selling various products and services over the telephone by day, pulling pints at night, and this is all punctuated by frequently writing literature and poetry that is both rude, invasive, stereotypically prejudiced, filthy, but mainly quite funny.
I have a young child of 8 months, and my main passions are anything creative—such as writing literature and music.
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